Change of Blog Address

Hey All...


My new blog address is http://lifeaftersmack.wordpress.com - it has loads more features and is easier to use.


:)

All Things Good

Yesterday evening we had a church service – for Easter.  One thing stuck in my mind:

Because of my past, I know what it means to find temporary happiness.  Temporary contentment.  Temporary peace.  I’ve said before that people search for this feeling for most of their lives.  And I agree that, in the beginning, heroin does give you that sense of freedom – for a short while.  And so you chase it.  Non stop.  It’s all you want.  That numbness – that peace… But it’s always short lived.  And it always leads to consequences, or emptiness, or death. 

When, at last, you reach the end of that road, and you let go, and give it all up to Him, you experience freedom to a new extreme.  True, lasting contentment, happiness and peace.  Nothing compares to that first encounter with something so real, so perfect. 

But then life takes a hold of you again.  And somehow, you lose touch of that immense joy that holds your very fibre together.  Why would you want to let go of something so special? Something so fulfilling? Something so perfect? You wouldn’t!  And you shouldn’t!  You should hold onto that with everything that you have!  Because, without it, you are lost.  Without it, everything is temporary.  Without it, you are always chasing something.  You’re never complete.  You’re never satisfied.  You always want more.

It’s easy to let life’s complications grab hold of your freedom, and it’s easy to forget the small things that we should be grateful for.  Once you forget about those small, but very important things – like health, food, a roof over your head, friends and family – you almost seem to take all of them for granted… and soon enough you lose sight of what you have, and all you focus on is what you don’t have. 

Once again, I take a step back, and look at how blessed I am – from waking up in the morning and being able to breath, to having a full tummy after dinner, to my family who have been to hell and back with me, and are still supporting me.  I see that I was lost, and that now I am not only found, but chosen!  I am loved unconditionally no matter what mistakes I’ve made.  How can I not hold onto the freedom that I have been given through the cross, with everything that I have?  I have been given a second chance – we have all been given a second chance – at TRUE life!  A life that lasts an eternity.  That provides peace, love, happiness and all thing good.  Permanently.  Hold onto that! With everything that you have!  

In the end it's all ok - if it's not ok, it's not the end!

When I was in High School, and going through a tough time, one of my friends told me: “In the end it’s all ok, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end”.  I’ve used this saying many times since then.  It’s always rung true.  In the end it’s all ok.  If it’s not ok, then there’s still some things that you need to go through, some lessons that you need to learn, something that will probably help you to grow, to be stronger… but once you’re through this, it will be ok.  It was always a positive thing for me – always something to hold on to…  Yes, I might not be ok right now, but if I just get through this, I will be ok…

But then, the other day, someone said:  “Can you say this to a mother who has just lost her son to an overdose from heroin?”.  Well, I think that you can.  Even though this mother never wanted this to happen, it’s something that she has to go through.  It’s done. No one has the answers for these mothers, no one can say why these things happen to certain people….  In the same way a mother loses a son in a car or motorbike accident… it’s not ok right now, in fact, it’s everything BUT ok, but in the end, once time has healed, once you’re ready, it will be.  This is faith.  This is connection with your Source – that no matter what happens here on this earth, in the end it will all be ok.  It will probably be better than just ok.

I suppose it’s all relative.  I choose to see the positive in things.  I choose to learn lessons, and to grow, no matter what I’m put through here on earth.  Because, in the end, it’s moulding me, and shaping me, and teaching me about what’s really important.

You are in control of your life.  You are responsible for your future.  You choose your own consequences.  But sometimes things happen – life happens – and unexpected tragedies are a part of life.  For the son who died of an overdose, that was a consequence, but for the mother who had to endure losing a son to addiction, that was a tragedy.  Are there answers for life’s tragedies?  Can you blame them on things or people?  The answer is certainly “no”.  But they are a part of life.  And for me, if there’s anything that might help console someone that has had a tragedy in their life, it will be that “this too shall pass”, or, in my case, “in the end it’s all ok – if it’s not ok, it’s not the end”.  

The Adventure

So I see the world from another point of view.  When I left the city to come to the desert I was not living.  I was alive, but not living…  And now that I’ve gone back to the city, now that I have life and purpose, the entire place looks different.  Feels different.  The buzz of people all around me.  It seems as though it’s alive too, as though it has a heartbeat of its own.  The world is a different place.  People mean so much more.  So many people, so many lives, so many souls…. 

Compassion has reached a new height.  A new level.  Every single person in that huge city, and every other city, is walking their own journey.  They’re all on their own paths, learning new lessons every single second… Maybe their addictions are different to mine, maybe their issues aren’t as complicated as I have made mine, but they too have difficulties, and they too have made mistakes.  We’re all on a journey.  A personal, unique journey to discover who we really are, and what we’re really here for.

Personally, I have discovered that I have a lot to learn about who I am.  I thought that I had figured out, basically, what I need, or what’s important to me.  But, going to the big city and seeing things from the other side of the fence has opened my eyes to the fact that I still have so much to learn.  I don’t like to make things complicated, but to keep things simple, in a complicated world, takes hard work, focus and commitment.  My priorities remain the same, but with added complexities of having to cope with normal everyday facts of life.  Rent.  Food.  Cooking.  Alarms.  Get to work on time.  Fight the traffic.  Work work work.  Fight the traffic again.  Cook.  Clean.  Rest.  Recreation.  All the things that should be normal.  All the things you tend to avoid while you’re using.  All the things that are basic.  And necessary. 

While watching all of this, and rearranging it all in my mind, I come to the conclusion, that no matter what life throws at you, that no matter how complicated the world seems, the basic focal point of my life is to remain grateful.  Just grateful.  For life, for every single thing I have in my life.  For every single person I have in my life.  For every relationship.  For love.  For grace.  For second chances, and lessons.  For all the little things that I thought meant nothing, but actually mean everything.  Just remain grateful. 

I know where I’ve been and what I’ve come from.  I saw those very streets that I walked over and over again.  I know what I’ve lost.  I know what I have gained.  Many mistakes have been made.  And still many more are to come.  But I know that I am loved unconditionally, no matter what, and for this, I am most grateful!!

My journey remains an adventure!  Everyday a new lesson.  A clearer understanding.  Closer and closer to understanding me, and what I was created for….