Wednesday 27 April 2011

Change of Blog Address

Hey All...


My new blog address is http://lifeaftersmack.wordpress.com - it has loads more features and is easier to use.


:)

Monday 25 April 2011

All Things Good

Yesterday evening we had a church service – for Easter.  One thing stuck in my mind:

Because of my past, I know what it means to find temporary happiness.  Temporary contentment.  Temporary peace.  I’ve said before that people search for this feeling for most of their lives.  And I agree that, in the beginning, heroin does give you that sense of freedom – for a short while.  And so you chase it.  Non stop.  It’s all you want.  That numbness – that peace… But it’s always short lived.  And it always leads to consequences, or emptiness, or death. 

When, at last, you reach the end of that road, and you let go, and give it all up to Him, you experience freedom to a new extreme.  True, lasting contentment, happiness and peace.  Nothing compares to that first encounter with something so real, so perfect. 

But then life takes a hold of you again.  And somehow, you lose touch of that immense joy that holds your very fibre together.  Why would you want to let go of something so special? Something so fulfilling? Something so perfect? You wouldn’t!  And you shouldn’t!  You should hold onto that with everything that you have!  Because, without it, you are lost.  Without it, everything is temporary.  Without it, you are always chasing something.  You’re never complete.  You’re never satisfied.  You always want more.

It’s easy to let life’s complications grab hold of your freedom, and it’s easy to forget the small things that we should be grateful for.  Once you forget about those small, but very important things – like health, food, a roof over your head, friends and family – you almost seem to take all of them for granted… and soon enough you lose sight of what you have, and all you focus on is what you don’t have. 

Once again, I take a step back, and look at how blessed I am – from waking up in the morning and being able to breath, to having a full tummy after dinner, to my family who have been to hell and back with me, and are still supporting me.  I see that I was lost, and that now I am not only found, but chosen!  I am loved unconditionally no matter what mistakes I’ve made.  How can I not hold onto the freedom that I have been given through the cross, with everything that I have?  I have been given a second chance – we have all been given a second chance – at TRUE life!  A life that lasts an eternity.  That provides peace, love, happiness and all thing good.  Permanently.  Hold onto that! With everything that you have!  

Monday 11 April 2011

In the end it's all ok - if it's not ok, it's not the end!

When I was in High School, and going through a tough time, one of my friends told me: “In the end it’s all ok, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end”.  I’ve used this saying many times since then.  It’s always rung true.  In the end it’s all ok.  If it’s not ok, then there’s still some things that you need to go through, some lessons that you need to learn, something that will probably help you to grow, to be stronger… but once you’re through this, it will be ok.  It was always a positive thing for me – always something to hold on to…  Yes, I might not be ok right now, but if I just get through this, I will be ok…

But then, the other day, someone said:  “Can you say this to a mother who has just lost her son to an overdose from heroin?”.  Well, I think that you can.  Even though this mother never wanted this to happen, it’s something that she has to go through.  It’s done. No one has the answers for these mothers, no one can say why these things happen to certain people….  In the same way a mother loses a son in a car or motorbike accident… it’s not ok right now, in fact, it’s everything BUT ok, but in the end, once time has healed, once you’re ready, it will be.  This is faith.  This is connection with your Source – that no matter what happens here on this earth, in the end it will all be ok.  It will probably be better than just ok.

I suppose it’s all relative.  I choose to see the positive in things.  I choose to learn lessons, and to grow, no matter what I’m put through here on earth.  Because, in the end, it’s moulding me, and shaping me, and teaching me about what’s really important.

You are in control of your life.  You are responsible for your future.  You choose your own consequences.  But sometimes things happen – life happens – and unexpected tragedies are a part of life.  For the son who died of an overdose, that was a consequence, but for the mother who had to endure losing a son to addiction, that was a tragedy.  Are there answers for life’s tragedies?  Can you blame them on things or people?  The answer is certainly “no”.  But they are a part of life.  And for me, if there’s anything that might help console someone that has had a tragedy in their life, it will be that “this too shall pass”, or, in my case, “in the end it’s all ok – if it’s not ok, it’s not the end”.  

Friday 8 April 2011

The Adventure

So I see the world from another point of view.  When I left the city to come to the desert I was not living.  I was alive, but not living…  And now that I’ve gone back to the city, now that I have life and purpose, the entire place looks different.  Feels different.  The buzz of people all around me.  It seems as though it’s alive too, as though it has a heartbeat of its own.  The world is a different place.  People mean so much more.  So many people, so many lives, so many souls…. 

Compassion has reached a new height.  A new level.  Every single person in that huge city, and every other city, is walking their own journey.  They’re all on their own paths, learning new lessons every single second… Maybe their addictions are different to mine, maybe their issues aren’t as complicated as I have made mine, but they too have difficulties, and they too have made mistakes.  We’re all on a journey.  A personal, unique journey to discover who we really are, and what we’re really here for.

Personally, I have discovered that I have a lot to learn about who I am.  I thought that I had figured out, basically, what I need, or what’s important to me.  But, going to the big city and seeing things from the other side of the fence has opened my eyes to the fact that I still have so much to learn.  I don’t like to make things complicated, but to keep things simple, in a complicated world, takes hard work, focus and commitment.  My priorities remain the same, but with added complexities of having to cope with normal everyday facts of life.  Rent.  Food.  Cooking.  Alarms.  Get to work on time.  Fight the traffic.  Work work work.  Fight the traffic again.  Cook.  Clean.  Rest.  Recreation.  All the things that should be normal.  All the things you tend to avoid while you’re using.  All the things that are basic.  And necessary. 

While watching all of this, and rearranging it all in my mind, I come to the conclusion, that no matter what life throws at you, that no matter how complicated the world seems, the basic focal point of my life is to remain grateful.  Just grateful.  For life, for every single thing I have in my life.  For every single person I have in my life.  For every relationship.  For love.  For grace.  For second chances, and lessons.  For all the little things that I thought meant nothing, but actually mean everything.  Just remain grateful. 

I know where I’ve been and what I’ve come from.  I saw those very streets that I walked over and over again.  I know what I’ve lost.  I know what I have gained.  Many mistakes have been made.  And still many more are to come.  But I know that I am loved unconditionally, no matter what, and for this, I am most grateful!!

My journey remains an adventure!  Everyday a new lesson.  A clearer understanding.  Closer and closer to understanding me, and what I was created for…. 

Sunday 20 March 2011

The Top of My Mountain

I’ve climbed the steep mountain… I’ve made it to the top… I’m standing on the summit looking down… Let’s hope it’s mostly downhill from here!!

I’m about to tackle something huge.  Something that I came here to learn how to tackle.  Something that is so important to me that I would give everything up just to make sure that I have done my best to make sure that it’s done properly.  It’s important to me.  It’s important to those that I love.  It’s one of those life changing things that could make or break a person.  I know that I have done my best to prepare for it.  And after all is said and done, that’s all that I really can do: My best.  After that, it’s really up to God – He is in control now.  I have faith in that.

I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days now because I have seen how faith does not necessarily make it so.  Friends of mine have been trying to fall pregnant.  They did everything they possibly could to get it right.  They’ve been to specialists and they obeyed all the rules and followed all the advice.  They had done their best.  And they had an enormous amount of faith.  But each and every time, the pregnancy test comes out negative.  No matter how right they are, or how much faith they have, at the end of the day, it’s all in God’s time. 

That makes me a little nervous, and almost leads me to doubt some things… But how can I? One thing I know for certain:  He only wants what’s best for me.  He only wants what’s best for us all…  So we all have to stand firm in the fact that no matter what we think we need, or what we think is best for us, He knows better.  He has a plan.  A tailor-made plan.  The only thing you need to have faith in, is that He is in control.  The only thing that you can do from your side, is the right thing. 

I believe that I am ready.  I believe that I can tackle this!  I’m excited and nervous all at the same time. This huge thing that I am about to do probably means nothing to a lot of people, but to me, it’s what I’m here for.  It’s the reason I came clean.  It’s what life on earth is all about.  So I hand it over to Him.  And hope for the best.  A good expectation of things to come…. Hope…. 

Sunday 13 March 2011

Comforting Answers?

Un-answered questions.  Lots and lots of them.  I see people around me all day long with questions in their eyes, and fake smiles on their faces.  I realise all of a sudden that life is so much simpler than we make it out to be.  We complicate things.  We’ve added our own recipes for “success” to life… But most of us don’t have a clue what true success really is…  I’ve said before that we’re all searching for peace.  And I heard it again from someone else this morning.  It’s so true.  We’re searching for comfort – not external, but INTERNAL comfort…  Some of us find it temporarily in things like heroin, but it’s never lasting, it’s never eternal.  So society throws things in our faces, TV adverts make it impossible for us not to search for comfort in external ways…  Making us all think that we can find it externally, and that this will quench our thirst for it… this will make everything ok… but it doesn’t, not for long anyway!

Are “comfort” and “freedom” the same thing?  I think being free is probably the most comforting thing in this lifetime.  Strip away all the complications that we cover our daily routines in, and what are we left with?  Just me.  Myself.  Am I comfortable with who I am?  Is my freedom comforting?  Am I free to feel comfortable? 

I think that when I know that I am doing the right thing, and making the right choices, I become free of consequences…  And only once I know that I have no reason to do anything else, but to love who I have become, who I was created to be, only then will I feel comfortable.  And free. 

Maybe these things are all easier said than done.  But, like anything that’s worth it in the end, it will take some dedication and commitment.  And once you’re used to making the right choices, and to do the right thing, it becomes like habit – it’s second nature.  At first it might seem difficult, but in the end it’s so worth the effort – what could be worth more than freedom?  More than always being comfortable? 

Maybe this doesn’t answer all the questions that are in the minds of all those that are around me, but I believe that it makes finding the answers a whole lot easier.  Once you find peace on the inside, it’s reflected on the outside… And slowly things start making sense again…. 

Tuesday 8 March 2011

The One's That Were Always There

Some things in life are difficult.  There are choices that need to be made – every single day.  How do you know that what you’re doing is the right thing?  How do you know which choice is the right one?  If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to test the waters as much as possible before you make a decision.  And sometimes the choices you make are going to hurt another person.  Even though your intentions are not bad, and you only want what’s best for both parties, in the end, there needs to be a point where you say to yourself “this is my life, and I need to do what’s best for my journey”.  And even if that means that the other person has to go through some hurt, you still make that decision.  Maybe that lesson was meant for you – maybe it was meant for them.  But, if you always act out of love, you just have to believe that you’ve done the right thing… And hope that the other person understands your decision.  I guess there’s no way of telling how things will turn out.  That’s half the mystery of life… No matter how prepared you are for anything, time and chance happen to us all.  If things always happened the way we expect them to, then how much would we grow?  How would we learn anything?  We have to go through things to experience life.  We have to make wrong decisions to learn lessons.  We have to hurt, we have to heal.  If we don’t experience the bad, how will we appreciate the good? 

I am truly grateful for all the people that have crossed my path.  I know that I have definitely hurt a lot of my closest loved ones, and I pray that they understand and forgive.  I have no doubt that every single person was placed on my path for a reason.  I will never forget all those that stood by my side through thick and thin, and I will always look up to the people that showed me kindness and mercy when I did not deserve it.  I know that some decisions that I made were incorrect and that they hurt a lot of people, but I learnt a lot from them, and I have grown to the person that I am today because of them.  

Friday 4 March 2011

Life

It seems that all of nature has lost its authenticity, it’s unique majestic beauty, because the human race is so used to it being there.  It’s become the norm.  Actually, every single flower is a miracle, every leaf, every star, every rainbow.  Miracles that are right in front of our eyes all day, every day.  The fact that we have a healthy body, that we are growing, that we have minds and hearts, those are all miracles.  We expect a miracle to be something huge and out there, some sort of a fantasy that you read about.  But in actual fact, miracles are happening all around us.  Every single moment that passes is a miracle in itself.  Every lesson we learn is huge and worth being grateful for.  Miracles are happening all around us.  I see life through brand new eyes.  Like a little baby, everything is fascinating to me – it’s NOT the norm!  It’s exceptional!  And it’s amazing!  

Wednesday 2 March 2011

The Air I Breathe

 I remember going to NA meetings, and in awe on those people that could actually make 6 months or longer clean time.  I could not understand how they did it, how did they manage to get to that milestone and beyond?  I tried.  I battled.  I fought.  When I was using I wanted to be clean, when I was clean, all I wanted to do was use…  And now that I am here, and have reached that milestone, and so much more, I search for answers to try and help others that are where I have been.  I search for truths and common denominators.  I know that there is no fixed theory.  I know that every single person is different in so many ways.  But what made me get to the point that I got to, to make that decision, to want to change? 

I heard this story once… And if I could offer any advice at all, it would be based on this:

The Zen teacher tells this story:  There once was a great master who was continually bothered by a rich man wanting enlightenment.  Every few weeks the man would come to the monastery and beg the master to teach him.  Each time the monk would put him off, explaining that he was simply not ready for enlightenment.  The rich man persisted because he felt that his persistence would prove his readiness.  One day he came upon the master standing in a pool up to his waist.  In a great show of disregard for his fine clothes, he waded into the pool, where he began his whining.  Suddenly, the monk grabbed the man’s hair and shoved his head under the water and held it there.  At first the man acquiesced to this treatment but soon began thrashing wildly.  But the monk continued to force his head under the water.  The man became truly frantic, and the water boiled with his attempts to escape.  Finally the monk released him, and he came to the surface gasping for air.  When he had caught his breath, he struggled out of the water and asked his tormentor, “Why did you try to drown me?”  To which the master replied, “When you want enlightenment as badly as you wanted that next breath, I will teach you.” 

When I was on the street, with nothing but a small bag full of necessities, I realised that I could not live that life any more.  I could not be that person any more.  I desperately wanted change.  I committed to do whatever it took to change my life.  To do things differently. 

How desperately do you want change?  I needed change like I needed that oxygen in my lungs!  Like I needed life!  You have to WANT it… desperately WANT it!

If you want something you’ve never had before, you have to do something you’ve never done before.

The process of change

It’s raining outside.  Streams of water flowing from the endless grey haze above.  Rain.  Bringing new life.  Water.  Pure, clean existence.  Everything has a cycle. 

I watched this short DVD this morning about how death brings life.  How things have to die so that life progresses.  The seasons of life.  The process of growth. 

People don’t like change and people want to grow.  But we cannot grow without change.  We cannot move forward without actually taking that first step.  We have to move out of the comfort zone.  And then that first step has to be in the right direction, or you could, in actual fact, be going backwards. Initiating change in the wrong direction.  And only you have the power to make sure that the direction in which you have chosen to go, is the right one.  It all depends on what you truly desire from deep within your heart.  On what you value.  On what you think is important.  No-one else can make that decision for you.  Although it would be wise to seek council on big decisions because sometimes other people have a perspective that you just didn’t think about.  It’s always a good thing to weigh up the positives and negatives in a situation.  And another important thing is to remember that you cannot change the past.  You cannot go back in time.  You cannot rewind.  The past is something you have to accept, deal with, and learn from.  History is history.  I’ve also noticed that, if you don’t learn from your past, from your mistakes, they repeat themselves over and over again until you do.  Until you implement change in your life.  Once you have learnt that lesson, the mistake is put to death, and new life grows from it.  You see things differently.  Everything is a process.  Everything takes time.  Everything requires endurance.  Be a finisher.  Don’t give up.  Push through to the end.  Your rewards are enormous! 

Everything has a process.  Everything takes time.  And if you force things, there are only more problems to deal with.  Like having a baby.  That takes time.  A perfect amount of time.

Change your perspective

Bad things happen all the time.  To all sorts of people.  We are all going to have good days and we’re all going to have bad days.  We all have hormones and we all have character defects.  The difference between those that move forward, and those that don’t, is simply the way they look at life.  You can choose to see everything you go through as something negative.  Someone’s doing this to you.  Something’s against you.  No one wants you to grow.  OR you could see these things as life lessons.  As opportunities to learn something.  As growth. 

If you keep your mind on the fact that this life on earth is not all there is.  That there is a much bigger picture.  That everything that happens, happens for a reason.  And you are plugged into The One True Source.  Then life, and all its little lessons, becomes much easier.  Much more entertaining! Then life becomes an adventure, and you start living life on purpose.  With purpose.  

Freedom

Freedom.  I said before that there is freedom in responsibility.  This sounds like a contradiction of terms.  But once you learn that you are responsible for your own future, by making the right choices today, and living out the consequences of those choices tomorrow, you realise that you are no longer in bondage.  You no longer have to worry about feeling ashamed or guilty.  You don’t have to worry that you’re going to get caught or that something could go wrong.  Because you have chosen to do the right thing, the right things are definitely going to happen.  That’s liberty.  Taking control of yourself and your emotions, leads to freedom.  Not worrying about what others say about you because you know inside you that you are doing the right thing, doing the best that you can with what you have, brings freedom. Knowing that this is your journey, your adventure, that you have control over your own life, brings absolute freedom.  Taking responsibility for your actions, brings total and complete freedom. And once you have come to this conclusion, you become responsible.  You become trustworthy, dependable, reliable, true to yourself, sure and constant.  You don’t have to be anything to anyone – you can just you yourself.  The person you were created to be.  And once you become the unique and special person you always were on the inside, your cup overflows.  You give without even realising it.  Because you are complete in Him, in every single way, you’re content and unchanging, and people flock to you.  They want what you have – they want that freedom.  All it really is, is taking responsibility.  Knowing that if you just do the right thing, the right things will happen.  Every time.  No matter what.  My life is in my own hands.  Freedom is mine.  

Spend it wisely

Absorb life.  Because we only have one life.  Because life is really short.  Because that’s what we’re all here for.  When I was using all I wanted to do was to escape from life.  Get away from all the judging.  The feelings.  The emotions.  The pain.  I didn’t want to face life because I had no idea what life was supposed to be.  All I wanted to do was please people.  Be good for them.  Be bad for them.  Show them I can or I’m better.  Now I’ve learnt that life is not for them.  Not about them.  It’s about me.  For me.  God wants me to be happy.  When I’m just being me, that’s when He’s the happiest.  That’s when I’m glorifying Him.  There’s no need to care about what other people think.  As long as you know you’re doing the right thing, then it doesn’t matter what anyone says.  You can choose to not be emotional.  Not to get emotionally involved in other’s stuff.  It keeps your life simple.  It keeps you out of conflict.  You’re able to be objective, and thus that much more stable.  All the reasons that I wanted to escape from life for, were self-inflicted.  I made my life that difficult.  I chose to be in the position I put myself in.  And I turned to heroin to take me away from the chaos that I had created.  And that just made things even worse.  I ended up with nothing, and, more importantly, no-one… All because of the choices I made.  And the funny thing is that I blamed the whole entire world for my problems… for my situation…. for my circumstances.  Once I learnt to accept responsibility for where I had landed up, I realised that, actually, I have the power to change my future.  That there is absolute freedom in taking responsibility.  Yes, there will be tough times, and there will always be lessons to be learnt.  But those are shaping me.  Moulding me.  Stripping away the complicated issues that I have compounded into my own life.  Showing me a new way to live.  A new way to love.  A simple way.  A better way.  A happier way.

Life is all about the choices you make.  At the end of the day, that’s what is going to make or break you.  Take the time to do things properly, to absorb every single moment.  All you have is time.  Spend it wisely.

How do you see it?

Life is what you make of it.  It’s how you choose to look at things that make’s you’re life worth living.  See problems as a part of life.  Accept that things aren’t always going to be a bed of roses… imagine you always got what you wanted?  Would you appreciate anything?  Would you understand anything about life at all? 

The serenity prayer has so much wisdom in it.  So many people say it almost on a daily basis, but it has become more of a tradition, and once things have become tradition, they lose their impact.  They lose their meaning.  Their purpose.  Wisdom to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT change.  Just accept them.  Move on.  If it’s happened, it’s done.  If it’s a person, that’s their own journey.  You can’t change them.  What you need to concentrate on is your own journey.  Your life.  Become the person you were created to be.  Once you accept the things you cannot change, you find peace in your heart.  Serenity.  It makes so much sense.  It’s actually so simple.  Getting back down to the basics of life.  Over time we have made life so complicated.  Adding in things that we thought would help us make sense of things that are out of our control.  Complications that have become habits. 

When you strip down to the mere meaning of life, you find that love is at the core of it all.  Unconditional love.  No limits.  No boundaries.  No if’s or but’s.  Just love.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Love breaks all boundaries.  It overcomes.  It frees.  It is always positive.  If you fill your heart, your life, with love, nothing else really matters.  Once you’re filled with love, no matter what circumstances you’re in, you can be happy.  Content, no matter what. 

What is love?  God is love.  He is the very description of love.  Everything that love stands for, is in Him.  Love is represented by all that God is.  He shines love.  He gives love.  Unconditional, unlimited love.  How do I fill my heart, my life, with God?  Find out who He is.  Find out how His Son lived while here on earth.  And all you will see is love.  All you will learn is love.  Love yourself.  Love others.  Love God.  Because He first loved you…  Before you even knew any of this, He knew you, and He loved you so much that He gave His only son to show you what life really is about. 

Remain focussed on the fact that there is a bigger picture.  Life is so short.  There’s so much more to life than we all realise.  So much more to this journey than you could ever imagine.  Why waste any time on negative things?  Negative feelings or emotions?  Why waste energy on things that don’t really matter?  Live life on purpose.  Be positive on purpose. 

I’m not saying that life is going to be a breeze.  I’m not saying that you will never have issues or problems.  In fact, problems, mistakes and issues are a big part of life.  But, you’ll soon learn that it’s not the problem that counts, it’s the way you handle it.  Like for instance, let’s say you were addicted to drugs…  obviously you want to avoid temptation, but, should temptation happen to land right in front of you, that temptation could become the problem, or by making the right choice, it becomes a lesson, it becomes growth, productivity.  You chose not to fall into the temptation, you chose to overcome the obstacle, jump clear of the hurdle.  You choose not to fail.  And, as difficult as it might have been at the time to say “no”, when you look back, you realise that is was actually as simple as just saying that word: “NO”.  Just say no.  Because of that one word, you have no consequences, no negativity, no back sliding.  In fact, you have moved forward.  Leaped over the mountain with one small word.  You have grown.  Learnt something new.  Victory in a war you thought you’d never win.  With just one small word.  The truth is that you yourself made that simple thing complicated.  Anyone else that had never been an addict, or that had seen the devastation addiction causes would be able to say “no” to that temptation without even thinking twice about it.  Easy for them.  Absolute torture for you.  Until you do it.  Until you realise the destruction that comes without it.  Then, once you make that final decision and say that one little word, it becomes very clear to you that the thing you thought was a temptation, was actually no temptation at all.  Now you have overcome that problem for good.  Growth.  Productivity.  It was not easy to get to this point for you and I.  In fact it was probably one of the most difficult decisions of our lives.  But how much did we learn?  How much did we grow?  Every time we grow we change.  Our character changes.  Our point of view changes.  We become more and more who God created us to be.  We learn more about who we are deep within our hearts.  We strip down to the bare nakedness of the life we should be living.  A life filled with adventure.  New things.  Great stories.  Amazing memories.  Life is truly what you make it.

What Have I Learnt?

It’s strange how easily a human can lose focus.  You’re driven and you know what you want.  You have goals and you have purpose.  Then you get stuck in a rut.  Dealing with the same people day in and day out.  Their habits annoy you.  And before you know it you’re tired, and irritated, and you just want to get out of wherever it is you find yourself, thinking that you’ll find peace anywhere else… only to find that the next place you go to, exactly the same thing happens.  Instead of focusing on what’s important, you start allowing external factors to get to you. 

It takes constant reminding, telling yourself to refocus, that this is YOUR journey, YOUR life, and that you cannot allow other people’s bad habits, negative energy or wrong behaviour to get to you.  At the end of the day you are in control of your own life.  You make the decisions.  You can choose not to get angry.  Choose not to allow other’s to influence you.  Choose not to allow others to affect your mood, your day, your dreams.  You can choose to stay focussed on the important things.  The things that really matter. 

Then there’s the question of what really does matter?  What makes your world go round?  Until you’ve experiences true happiness, peace and contentment, how do you know what it feels like?  To me, its freedom.  Freedom to be who you are, without feeling guilt or regret or shame.  The only way that you can do that is by accepting and believing that you are forgiven.  Everything that you have been through, everything that has happened, has happened.  And you cannot change the past.  You can only grow from it.  Learn from it.  And believe that God sees none of your faults.  All He sees is His beautiful, unique creation.  Once you know in your heart that you have been forgiven, you already feel whole, and complete.  The guilt and shame goes away.  The regret disappears because you realise everything you have been through has brought you to where you are now, and only now do you appreciate everything you have, everything you have become.  And now, because you have dealt with your past, you are in control of your own future.  Because the choices you make today become the life you live tomorrow.  You are in control of your own life.  You have the power to change everything!  This is where everything falls into place.  This is where you realise what it means to be at peace, to have self-control, to be lacking in nothing.  It’s being full on a heart level.  Full enough to give to others. 

And that’s what really matters.  That’s what counts.  Relationships.  Love.  Serving others.  Being able to be who God created you to be, in His likeness, and in being happy, in being content, you’re leading and guiding others to that very same state of mind.  When they see where you have been, and where you are right now, all they see is hope for themselves.  Hope for their future.  Your testimony of how you found true happiness, is the most powerful because everyone wants to be truly happy.  Everyone wants to be at peace.  Who could possibly be happier than a person living life, unashamed, in full force, without regret?  A person comfortable with who they are, proud to be humble, one who is content whatever the circumstances?  It’s when you get to this point, overflowing with love, kindness, happiness and grace, that you want to give.  Because you realise that giving is better than receiving.  And that in giving, you actually receive so much more. 

So what does this all mean?  What have I learnt?  That material things don’t matter.  That trivial arguments, and misunderstandings and different opinions are part of life, and are almost always blown out of proportion and not worth the worry lines.  That, at the end of the day, kindness and mercy win every time.  That the important things come from the heart.  That love, above all, is unconditional.  That we are all special and unique, and that we all make mistakes – a lot of the time!  It’s not how we fall, it’s how we get up.  And, if we just do the right things, the right things will happen.  God is in control.  He knows what He’s doing.  You have the choice.  You’re in control of your future.  Believe that you have been forgiven.  And remain grateful for every small thing.  These lessons are priceless.  These things are worth more than Gold.  Because they bring true happiness, which money cannot buy. 

People

Different people.  Different pasts.  Different families.  Different times.  Different places.  Yet for centuries we have the same problems.  The same issues.  The same basic errors.  Mistakes are repeated not only by generations, but by the same person.  Over and over again.  What does it take before a lesson is learnt?  Why can’t we learn from other people’s mistakes?  Why do some people go through life with ease, they just get it straight away?  And others take years, hurdles, obstacles, basic errors?  And then those that just get it wish they had lived a little, and those that take years wished they had just got it.  I can only speak from my own perspective.  I can only write from personal experience.

Living in the world I live in, teaches you life lessons on a daily basis.  Things happen almost every minute.  The more people there are, the more you learn.  We are all different in so many ways.  And because of this, we all see things differently.  According to what we’ve been taught, or how we’ve been brought up.  According to societies’ standards, or the people we choose to associate ourselves with.  Everything around us has an influence on how we see things, on how we make choices.  Even siblings, who are bought up in the same environment, in the same schools, with the same friends and influences, make different choices.  They choose different types of music, different styles of clothing.  Their perspective of “right” and ”wrong” may not always be the same.  We’re all unique.  Not only on the outside, but also on a heart level.  Our soul.  Our mind.  Our very fibre is distinctive.  So what brings us to make the choices we make?  What guides our heart and mind in the directions we take? 

What brings change?  Mistakes.  Lessons.  For some it’s death.  For others its loss.  It could be inspiration.  Or even purpose.  I guess it all depends on what you find important.  It depends on your values, your morals.  But what happens when you have none of those things.  What happens if your life is based on just getting by.  Just make it through today.  What happens when you’re addicted to heroin and the only thing that is important to you is your next fix.  All your morals and values don’t exist because you just don’t care.  And what makes it that much easier is the fact that your fix makes you care even less.  No feelings.  No emotions.  You’re numb.  You’re existing.  You’re just getting by.  In that world, you have no goals.  No purpose.  So how do you change?  How do you even begin to want to change?  Changing seems more difficult than just existing.  And no matter how unhappy you might be at any given moment, the only thing on your mind is getting that next fix, so that all those uncomfortable “feelings” will go away.  There’s no room for change.  No time for change.  You’re stuck in a tornado, a spiral downwards that takes you deeper and deeper, and the longer you stay in it, the harder it is to get out, and the more difficult it is to stay out, to change your habits, to make a new way. 

But you can get out.  You can get to a point where you say enough is enough.  Where you realise you just can’t live that life anymore.  When you feel like death.  When you look like death.  When you realise that death is only a single overdose away…. Everyone’s breaking point is different.  Everyone has their own pain threshold.  Once you have reached the end, once you’ve been through so much that you just can’t anymore, you wake up one day and decide enough is enough.  I cannot live this life anymore.  I cannot be this person anymore.  It’s not easy to stick to this decision, and sometimes the consequences are so bad that you would rather go back to that than to have to face the consequences.  But, with help, and time, you get through it, and it gets better.  It gets easier.  Slowly.  Every hour’s worth of clean time, is a victory.  And slowly but surely the hours become days and the days become weeks…  And soon enough you have bigger plans, a better future.  The sooner you change your focus, the sooner you realise that there’s so much more to life than fighting against addiction.  It’s more about living in freedom.  It’s realising that the victory is yours.  It’s believing that the battle has already been won. 

It’s all about making the right choices, and doing the right things… Using your experiences, your point of view, your take on life, and making the most out of what you’ve got.  It’s about being grateful for the small things, like a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear and food to eat, as well as the big things, like family, health, and purpose.  It’s about all the truly good things in life. 

No matter how different we all are, we’re all searching for true happiness.  No matter what path we’ve taken in our lives, we all want peace, contentment, freedom.  And once you learn how to take responsibility for your choices and your future, you’ll be free.  Once you realise how very special and unique you are, you’ll find contentment and peace.  And, finally, once you understand that you have freedom and peace within you, you will have found happiness.  Pure joy.  And then you’ll experience and know the true meaning of life.